Okay pretty much right off the bat you can save yourself 45 minutes if you just listen to the first 5 seconds of ‘My Sweet 666’ on loop for ten minutes while watching any 14 year old’s VLOG on YouTube about how sad they are that their bae (they’ve transcended labels, you know?) spends too much time with their friends instead of watching Invader Zim for the 14th time and how shit their parents are for getting them the wrong Emily the Strange poster. Because that’s literally all this album is, except that teenager is an old man and Invader Zim is cocaine.

Also, Invader Zim fucking rules, I’m not coming at Invader Zim man. There’s also a new moviecoming out, and that’s totally okay.

EDIT - Turns out I am truly 37, the 'new' movie has been out for 4 years.

This album is a fucking grind man, it’s honestly like every single song is half a fully formed emotion away from being the worst Katatonia song you’ve ever heard. Like maybe if Katatonia’s girlfriend asked them to play a house party but said they could only do it if they stopped being a fucking drag for 45 minutes. You know she’s been putting in so much emotional labour trying to cheer Katatonia up but they still release Tonight’s Decision.

Man things must suck for her.

Dude I didn’t even realise they were covering Wicked Games until they chorus hit and I was all of a sudden thinking about that time Ross and Rachael finally got together for some reason, you know, the most important moment in television history. This cover fucking blows dude, it’s literally every other HIM song ever but with different lyrics. And the lyrics aren’t THAT much different, they just stopped being full hundy about being in love and put on their best sad boy impression and turned into that one fucking guy in the office that says things like ‘oh shit I caught the feels and you know me, I never catch the feels’. Yeeeea how about you catch these hands ya sad bitch.

Hot take - Every lyric on this album is like the first draft for the first poem you write for the worst girlfriend you ever had in high school. But instead of beating yourself up and ripping the paper out you get famous as and write shit songs for awesome skate videos.

This was a week of nerves man, you know that feeling when someone walks in the room and you REAL quick minimise your browser window so they don’t see you scrolling 4chan but you’re certain they’ve seen it and you both know that you were on /b/? That’s literally all I felt all week. Fuck It was like seven days of the worst wankers guilt you’ve ever felt. I felt like fucking EVERYONE knew I was listening to this.

There’s one song on here I kinda enjoy out of context of the album, like if I heard Right Here in These Arms at a school ball when the DJ was trying to be a little spooky that would probably be okay. It’d probably make for a real cool foam party or whatever teenagers do in between finger blasting and tagging. That’s what kids do these days right? But man, it also has the most fucking confusing moment on the album, the guitar solo to this song... what the actual fuck is that? You can find the song HERE and the solo is around the 2.26 mark. I can’t even pick the tone, it’s like a dying battery in a pedal that wasn’t soldered properly played by some spooky kid who had only ever heard Kurt Cobain’s playing and was picking up a guitar for the first time. And immediately after recording this solo he was grounded, because fuck that guy.

Man I kid you not, I’m sitting on the corner of Abel Smith and Cuba in Wellington waiting to jam with a homie while writing this and a guy walked by my car wearing black skate shorts, DC shoes with pulled up socks (obviously) a black band tee that I didn’t recognise and a white striped long sleeve under the shirt. All while I listen to HIM. What the fuck is happening, I think I’ve done this long enough.

Favourite song - Right Here in My Arms
Soft focus Bam Margera rules.

Favourite lyric - She keeps on crying, But I won't leave her alone ,She'll never be alone.
Ugh, yea that lyric went through Ville's brain and got put onto paper. I’m sure the girl he's singing about is stoked man.

Actually who am I kidding, I bet he’s singing about Bam.

1.sweet 666 out of 5 sad boys - unfortunately this album won’t be right here in my arms anymore.