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Latest Rarks

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I smoked Borer once now my family hates me

Craig perilously goes where no white man with a beard has gone before, into a room by himself to listen to a doom record. Brace yourself for his stunning and brave tale.



Libbianski sitting you down to explain why your mum left your dad

Craig went on a 2 month undercover operation to infiltrate the weird world of Shoegaze to finally answer the question, is Shoegaze a Russian psy-op to sell Jordan 1's to teenagers. The results will shock you.



Plague of the Fallen stopped paying rent and won't leave my house, send help.

Craig takes a look into the deep world of Plague of the Fallen's the high concept view of death metal, that high concept being taking heaps of pre-workout before bed.



Abysm won't stop sending me PlayStation friend requests

Notorious spawn campers Abysm have finally decided to finish their can of G-Fuel and release their EP. Craig spent the weekend reading up on Elden Ring lore so he could see if their lyrics make sense canonically 



Mammuthus need to stop driving spots for my mum

Craig investigates the weird world of stoner rock to finally figure out what it is that is making everyone's mum smoke weed now.



Methfacts don't care about your Methfeelings.

What do you know, Craig found someone as bitter and bored of shit as he is and asked him to write some stuff on Gone for Smokes. After he said no, Craig threatened to leak all his DMs to the media. On that note, Matt sat down to digest just how much meth is too much meth for Jesus to ingest.



To Descend Wont Let me Call my Mum

Craig went to text his friends today, but the Swedish old school death metal tyrants To Descend looked him dead in the face, called him an asshole and reminded him that his friends are bad people and he should just stay inside. This is his harrowing story.



Rejecting Handshakes - Blindfolded's Guide to Social Etiquette  

Craig talks through his time with the new Blindfolded and Led to the Woods album 'Rejecting Obliteration' and manages to not mention that kids show they were on 25 years ago once.



Robb Flynn Induced Fight or Flight

Machine Head have history of radicalizing teens through Yahoo Chat rooms dating back to 2001, when Craig was but a boy. Now that the dax wax has finally come out of his hair, it's time to see if their efforts were worth it as Craig listened to the entire Machine Head back catalogue in one go.



Blink 182 are the Only Reason Your Parents 
are Still Together

Craig discusses how Blink 182 are scientifically proven to be better than Rush, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin.

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